Today Jess’s Great Big Adventure draws to a close. Needless to say the hangover was quite something, and poor Rob came all the way out to pick me up and take me to the airport in his truck as he hadn’t been able to get hold of any taxi companies that would drive to the airport in the snow. As I was about to leave I found a set of small salt and pepper shakers in my coat pocket, which according to Rob had been a very drunken gift from PJ in the bar. I left them for Maria.
My flight, mercifully, was not cancelled, nor even much delayed. I’m safely on my way back to Heathrow, hangover subsiding. If, dear reader, you have borne with me thus far, I thank you for your attention. If you’re crying out for more blog, then I think you’re in luck as I sense another adventure on the horizon. I’ve been invited back to DC to do more measurements on my way to a conference in Hawaii this summer. I certainly plan to do transvestite brunch again.
Adios guapos. Besos. Jess.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Sunday 7th Feb
Two words – transvestite brunch. This may be the best concept I’ve ever heard, and perhaps Phil’s offer to take me was the best idea he ever had! It escalated into quite a big party, myself, Phil, Alex, Rob, Rob’s wife PJ, Rob’s wife’s friend Tamara, Ivan, Jorge, and Ivan’s friend Julie. Transvestite brunch is a Sunday institution at Perry’s in Adams-Morgan, and apparently there are usually queues round the block, but the snow had driven everyone away so we got a table no problem. We enjoyed a copious buffet with bottomless jugs of bloody mary, and transvestites. Every 20 minutes or so one of the 2 drag acts that had managed to make it into work came out, mimed and danced, and gyrated with various eaters. Alex was right in there of course, but even I got plenty of good tranny action. The drag queens were particularly drawn to Rob for some reason. The photos are spectacular.
Absolutely lashed, I had a conversation with the little drag queen about how marvellous Nicaragua is and how I’d love to go back. After the poor transvestites had finally escaped, the establishment somehow managed to get our party out into the street where we rolled half cut into a bar and spent the rest of the afternoon getting completely trashed. Maria turned up in the middle of it all at about 5 pm and was clearly quite bemused to see the state that we’d all got ourselves into (apart from Julie, who had sensibly left). Alex tried to persuade us all to go to a sauna party at his hotel, but that never happened. I ended up in bed at 10 pm, passed out blind drunk, having made no arrangements for my flight the next morning but with Rob’s drunken assurance that he would figure it all out.
Absolutely lashed, I had a conversation with the little drag queen about how marvellous Nicaragua is and how I’d love to go back. After the poor transvestites had finally escaped, the establishment somehow managed to get our party out into the street where we rolled half cut into a bar and spent the rest of the afternoon getting completely trashed. Maria turned up in the middle of it all at about 5 pm and was clearly quite bemused to see the state that we’d all got ourselves into (apart from Julie, who had sensibly left). Alex tried to persuade us all to go to a sauna party at his hotel, but that never happened. I ended up in bed at 10 pm, passed out blind drunk, having made no arrangements for my flight the next morning but with Rob’s drunken assurance that he would figure it all out.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Saturday 6th Feb
Snowpocalypse really is here. There looks to be a vast depth of snow out on the street, and it’s scheduled to snow another 2-3 inches every single hour until 10 pm! I figure that we will be about 2 feet under by then. My stay in the hotel expires today and it’s a bit pricey by myself to pay out of my own pocket so I’m going to bravely venture across to Maria from the lab’s house. She only lives 10 minutes away in fine weather, but I’m thinking that with my suitcase this will be quite the challenge.
I just had a somewhat surreal conversation with Holly the hotel manager and another lady staying here. Holly was talking about calling PepCo (presumably a utility company) in the event the electricity went down, and the other lady thought she was talking about calling PetCo. I suggested we could burn pet food for fuel. Holly thought I was suggesting that I burn her pet dog! Once we’d cleared up that misunderstanding the other lady told us about a film where Denzel Washington cooks a cat and makes lip gloss out of the fat.
Oh yes, I checked the United website and my flight definitely was cancelled. I’m so glad that was pre-emptively sorted out 2 days ago.
I painfully hauled my stuff over Maria’s, unaided by the fact that I apparently can’t read a map and ended up going the long way round. I took quite a while given that there was over a foot of snow at this point. I then went to have jambalaya at the only café still open, café New Orleans.
Once I got back, I sent an email to Rob of the NRL’s “snowed-in in DC” list. He’d had a load of friends come down for his wife’s birthday party in a bar where he lives outside the city, and of course it got cancelled as no-one could get there and the bar was probably closed anyway. Justin from the lab tried to persuade me to go to a massive snowball fight in Dupont Circle, but it was this email from Rob’s rugby friend Ivan that made my decision for me:
“I love the idea of wandering the streets and finding you. I am with my friend Jorge, trying to persuade him to join me. I must be brave. But I have been living in Florida and become somewhat of a coward when it gets cold. But at one time in my life I was tough, and I must revive that part of me. So, Jorge and I will walk and try to find you. It might take a while. I will have my phone with me and a sack full of cookies and Guinness. I look like a lumberjack. And I have not shaven in days. Jorge resembles a burnt out 1970s rock star. See you soon. Don't forget to mind the gap, always. “
What sane woman could refuse an invite like that? I resolved to set off sight seeing on foot, and to triangulate Ivan and Jorge through text messages en route.
I saw the snowball fight in Dupont (these crazy Washingtonians), and I stood on the sidelines taking photos like the wuss that I am. I walked all the way to the White House and the Washington Monument, which was all very lovely in the snow. Ivan got delayed as his mother was telling Jorge a long story about a time she drove into a canal. Further delay ensued when they had to help a nurse get to work. Finally we were on a direct collision path, I was on the verge of frostbite, I found the one open bar for miles around, and the idiot staff wouldn’t let me stay as they didn’t accept European driving licenses as ID. But there’s a blizzard out there, and I have about 5 cards in my wallet to prove I’m 25! No can do, we only accept state drivers’ licenses. I staggered out of the bar in a blind rage, heard my name, and marched up and gave Ivan a big hug.
We went and had beer and soup in an Indian restaurant. Ivan and Jorge gave me some spare socks they’d brought. They had also come equipped with cookies, pyjamas and a bottle of wine, presumably in case they would have to sleep the night in an igloo. We moved onto another bar, where I didn’t get asked for ID at all. We heard from Phil and Alex who said they would join us, then saw this email sent to upset Rob “Hi, Rob finally after a near two hour walk from Enfant Plaza I made it to the McGinty, the f place is closed! What's the alternate plan.. I am all frozen please help, SOS...call me. Alex”. Alex is so cruel! I immediately got a very distressed text from Rob telling myself and Ivan to find Alex and take care of him. We sent one back saying no, but then I felt mean and explained the situation and told him to play along. Rob sent a text to Phil saying how concerned he was about Alex and pleading for his help!
It stopped snowing at last. We made a move, and Ivan and Jorge taught me some Argentinian slang en route. We walked partway then found one of the few taxis still running, and went to Madam’s Organ in Adams Morgan, which had a flashing sign saying “Sorry, we’re open”. Ivan had a school friend there, and Phil and Alex came and joined us. We happily drank the evening away. Apparently Alex and Phil had gone to the liquor store to stock up for the blizzard and had spent the entire day drinking at Phil’s. Alex brought a squeezy bottle full of whisky, and helpfully told me it was water. The night nearly ended in tears when Alex whooshed me up and almost dropped me on my head during a spectacular surprise dance manoeuvre.
I just had a somewhat surreal conversation with Holly the hotel manager and another lady staying here. Holly was talking about calling PepCo (presumably a utility company) in the event the electricity went down, and the other lady thought she was talking about calling PetCo. I suggested we could burn pet food for fuel. Holly thought I was suggesting that I burn her pet dog! Once we’d cleared up that misunderstanding the other lady told us about a film where Denzel Washington cooks a cat and makes lip gloss out of the fat.
Oh yes, I checked the United website and my flight definitely was cancelled. I’m so glad that was pre-emptively sorted out 2 days ago.
I painfully hauled my stuff over Maria’s, unaided by the fact that I apparently can’t read a map and ended up going the long way round. I took quite a while given that there was over a foot of snow at this point. I then went to have jambalaya at the only café still open, café New Orleans.
Once I got back, I sent an email to Rob of the NRL’s “snowed-in in DC” list. He’d had a load of friends come down for his wife’s birthday party in a bar where he lives outside the city, and of course it got cancelled as no-one could get there and the bar was probably closed anyway. Justin from the lab tried to persuade me to go to a massive snowball fight in Dupont Circle, but it was this email from Rob’s rugby friend Ivan that made my decision for me:
“I love the idea of wandering the streets and finding you. I am with my friend Jorge, trying to persuade him to join me. I must be brave. But I have been living in Florida and become somewhat of a coward when it gets cold. But at one time in my life I was tough, and I must revive that part of me. So, Jorge and I will walk and try to find you. It might take a while. I will have my phone with me and a sack full of cookies and Guinness. I look like a lumberjack. And I have not shaven in days. Jorge resembles a burnt out 1970s rock star. See you soon. Don't forget to mind the gap, always. “
What sane woman could refuse an invite like that? I resolved to set off sight seeing on foot, and to triangulate Ivan and Jorge through text messages en route.
I saw the snowball fight in Dupont (these crazy Washingtonians), and I stood on the sidelines taking photos like the wuss that I am. I walked all the way to the White House and the Washington Monument, which was all very lovely in the snow. Ivan got delayed as his mother was telling Jorge a long story about a time she drove into a canal. Further delay ensued when they had to help a nurse get to work. Finally we were on a direct collision path, I was on the verge of frostbite, I found the one open bar for miles around, and the idiot staff wouldn’t let me stay as they didn’t accept European driving licenses as ID. But there’s a blizzard out there, and I have about 5 cards in my wallet to prove I’m 25! No can do, we only accept state drivers’ licenses. I staggered out of the bar in a blind rage, heard my name, and marched up and gave Ivan a big hug.
We went and had beer and soup in an Indian restaurant. Ivan and Jorge gave me some spare socks they’d brought. They had also come equipped with cookies, pyjamas and a bottle of wine, presumably in case they would have to sleep the night in an igloo. We moved onto another bar, where I didn’t get asked for ID at all. We heard from Phil and Alex who said they would join us, then saw this email sent to upset Rob “Hi, Rob finally after a near two hour walk from Enfant Plaza I made it to the McGinty, the f place is closed! What's the alternate plan.. I am all frozen please help, SOS...call me. Alex”. Alex is so cruel! I immediately got a very distressed text from Rob telling myself and Ivan to find Alex and take care of him. We sent one back saying no, but then I felt mean and explained the situation and told him to play along. Rob sent a text to Phil saying how concerned he was about Alex and pleading for his help!
It stopped snowing at last. We made a move, and Ivan and Jorge taught me some Argentinian slang en route. We walked partway then found one of the few taxis still running, and went to Madam’s Organ in Adams Morgan, which had a flashing sign saying “Sorry, we’re open”. Ivan had a school friend there, and Phil and Alex came and joined us. We happily drank the evening away. Apparently Alex and Phil had gone to the liquor store to stock up for the blizzard and had spent the entire day drinking at Phil’s. Alex brought a squeezy bottle full of whisky, and helpfully told me it was water. The night nearly ended in tears when Alex whooshed me up and almost dropped me on my head during a spectacular surprise dance manoeuvre.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Tuesday 2nd - Friday 5th Feb
My time at the NRL passed fruitfully. My seminar came off very well. We had two meetings regarding our imminent collaboration which were perhaps the most productive I’ve ever attended, and I got lots of measurements done and may even have some tangible results! I won’t say more for fear of inadvertently revealing some kind of government secret or suchlike.
Adams Morgan, the area I’m staying in is really cool. A fair few of the young ‘uns from the lab live nearby and there are loads of restaurants and bars. On Wednesday night we ate at an Ethiopian restaurant, which was delicious, and then went to a bar that was memorably named Madam’s Organ, with a drawing of a pair of breasts as the logo. It was open mike night upstairs where we could find seats, which was rather reminiscent of the caterwauling on the beach in Goa. Downstairs they had an awesome bluegrass band, but we saw rather less of that!
The big news this week is the weekend snowstorm, which is in the process of setting in right now as I write this. It is forecast to be the worst for the last 100 years, even more devastating than the 2 feet that hit DC in December! The airport is definitely going to close, so I pre-emptively changed my flight from Saturday night to Monday morning, as there’s a temporary respite forecast then.
Tomorrow there is a massive snowball fight planned on the Ellipse right outside the White House, so if I can get out then I will definitely go and watch in the most touristy fashion possible! Although apparently last time it snowed a policeman drew his gun at someone who threw a snowball at his car.
Friday evening I went out with Phil from the lab, and Alex, another PV researcher who is in town. “Welcome to Snowpocalypse”, the barman said reassuringly once we got in. We played cutthroat billiards, at which I was absolutely terrible! I only won after they took 3 balls each off the table. Alex delighted in taking various awful photos of me contorted in all sorts of positions trying for impossible shots.
We then went out to dinner at an American restaurant! In the last month I have eaten Indian, Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Persian, Mexican, Turkish and Ethiopian to name but a few, but I don’t think I’ve eaten much American (unless Subway counts). I had that famous American delicacy, pizza, as it transpires that American cuisine is highly beef based.
Walking the few blocks back to my hotel in the blizzard was quite an adventure. It was worse for Alex is the metro went down whilst he was on it, and he ended up having to stay the night in another hotel.
Adams Morgan, the area I’m staying in is really cool. A fair few of the young ‘uns from the lab live nearby and there are loads of restaurants and bars. On Wednesday night we ate at an Ethiopian restaurant, which was delicious, and then went to a bar that was memorably named Madam’s Organ, with a drawing of a pair of breasts as the logo. It was open mike night upstairs where we could find seats, which was rather reminiscent of the caterwauling on the beach in Goa. Downstairs they had an awesome bluegrass band, but we saw rather less of that!
The big news this week is the weekend snowstorm, which is in the process of setting in right now as I write this. It is forecast to be the worst for the last 100 years, even more devastating than the 2 feet that hit DC in December! The airport is definitely going to close, so I pre-emptively changed my flight from Saturday night to Monday morning, as there’s a temporary respite forecast then.
Tomorrow there is a massive snowball fight planned on the Ellipse right outside the White House, so if I can get out then I will definitely go and watch in the most touristy fashion possible! Although apparently last time it snowed a policeman drew his gun at someone who threw a snowball at his car.
Friday evening I went out with Phil from the lab, and Alex, another PV researcher who is in town. “Welcome to Snowpocalypse”, the barman said reassuringly once we got in. We played cutthroat billiards, at which I was absolutely terrible! I only won after they took 3 balls each off the table. Alex delighted in taking various awful photos of me contorted in all sorts of positions trying for impossible shots.
We then went out to dinner at an American restaurant! In the last month I have eaten Indian, Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Persian, Mexican, Turkish and Ethiopian to name but a few, but I don’t think I’ve eaten much American (unless Subway counts). I had that famous American delicacy, pizza, as it transpires that American cuisine is highly beef based.
Walking the few blocks back to my hotel in the blizzard was quite an adventure. It was worse for Alex is the metro went down whilst he was on it, and he ended up having to stay the night in another hotel.
Monday 1st Feb
I’m on the plane to DC. What I really want to know right now is why no-one in this country understands me (on a linguistic rather than emotional level), particularly when I try to buy soft drinks. Not one single American has understood the first time when I’ve asked for a “bottle of water”. “You want a what!? Oh, a bollawolla?”. I just asked for a cranberry juice on the plane and the steward had no clue what I was talking about. Finally he established that I wanted a “cran-berry” juice. I mean for christ’s sake, I am speaking English. I am carefully enunciating every consonant and syllable, as the language is written. What on earth could be the difficulty?
The cranberry juice in question wasn’t worth the effort, as the 2nd ingredient after water is high fructose corn syrup. This single can contains 220 calories. No wonder obesity rates are so high.
More moaning – United is so crap! You don’t even get a free meal on the plane, although given my last United meal experience maybe this is a good thing. The air stewards are all sitting by the toilet banging their heads on the wall with boredom. There is one video screen per 3 rows of seats. The aisle is so narrow that it’s almost impossible to walk down even if no-one else is coming in the opposite direction. The entirety of economy class has only 2 toilets. Every time the fasten seatbelt sign comes back on, which has been frequent during this turbulent flight, the demented air hostess drops everything and runs shrieking down the aisle making sure that no-one disobeys. Thankfully we should land in about 40 minutes. But urgh, I’ve just remembered I’m flying United back to London too.
The cranberry juice in question wasn’t worth the effort, as the 2nd ingredient after water is high fructose corn syrup. This single can contains 220 calories. No wonder obesity rates are so high.
More moaning – United is so crap! You don’t even get a free meal on the plane, although given my last United meal experience maybe this is a good thing. The air stewards are all sitting by the toilet banging their heads on the wall with boredom. There is one video screen per 3 rows of seats. The aisle is so narrow that it’s almost impossible to walk down even if no-one else is coming in the opposite direction. The entirety of economy class has only 2 toilets. Every time the fasten seatbelt sign comes back on, which has been frequent during this turbulent flight, the demented air hostess drops everything and runs shrieking down the aisle making sure that no-one disobeys. Thankfully we should land in about 40 minutes. But urgh, I’ve just remembered I’m flying United back to London too.
Sunday 31st Jan
I worked on my material for the NRL visit in the morning, then took a bus to the Haight area in the afternoon. I began by ascending the hill at Buena Vista park for some good view action. My appetite had finally recovered by this point, so despite a morning’s worth of giant burrito munching I still wanted more. It is as if my body was trying to compensate for an entire week’s calorific loss. I went into a tiny café to get a bagel, and came to regret it as despite being the only person there it took the guy about 25 minutes to make it. He must have toasted the bagel on the lowest heat ever as that bit took a good 15 minutes or so. He lovingly laid on each topping painfully slowly, and then proceeded to mummify the finished product in several layers of paper. Trying to eat the thing was like trying to get to the end prize in pass the parcel.
I walked down the length of Haight, stopping to admire the comprehensive collection in Amoeba Records. After this exertion, I went into Golden Gate park for some more resting in the sun. I saw an exceptionally hairy giant dog.
The evening was spent trying to fix up my seminar. I dry ran it to myself and the bloody thing lasted an hour and ten minutes to my shock, although I only have 40 minutes’ speaking time allocated. I proceeded to chop out about half the slides I had so diligently put together. For a quick dinner fix I went to a food court in a shopping mall nearby (another example of American dining that I genuinely like!) and got myself a veggie burger. It was actually a little disappointing given how much I paid for it. I rediscovered half a bottle of wine left over from the vineyard tour and had a glass as it would have been an awful shame to let it go to waste.
I walked down the length of Haight, stopping to admire the comprehensive collection in Amoeba Records. After this exertion, I went into Golden Gate park for some more resting in the sun. I saw an exceptionally hairy giant dog.
The evening was spent trying to fix up my seminar. I dry ran it to myself and the bloody thing lasted an hour and ten minutes to my shock, although I only have 40 minutes’ speaking time allocated. I proceeded to chop out about half the slides I had so diligently put together. For a quick dinner fix I went to a food court in a shopping mall nearby (another example of American dining that I genuinely like!) and got myself a veggie burger. It was actually a little disappointing given how much I paid for it. I rediscovered half a bottle of wine left over from the vineyard tour and had a glass as it would have been an awful shame to let it go to waste.
Saturday 30th Jan
I spent the morning in bed recovering from a cruel hangover induced by fine wine from the vineyard and the most expensive tequila from the hotel bar. Who would have thought that such high quality ingredients could create such a toxic combination? I gingerly spent an agonising hour packing my suitcase in order to move into a cheaper hotel room as I was now on my own expense. Then reception said they’d give me the same room at a cheaper rate anyhow, which they’d failed to mention when I’d booked it the day before.
I did some great sightseeing once I’d figured out how to navigate the SF transport system. I strolled along Embarcadero and the piers, enjoying the unseasonably fine weather. I admired the sea lions on Pier 39, although I gather most of them have jumped ship. I went to buy a smoothie and ended up in a ridiculous conversation with the guy behind the counter. I told him I was in SF for a laser conference (easier than explaining the meaning of “solar cell” or “opto-electronic”) and he wanted to know whether my job involved tracking sharks with lasers. I confirmed that it did. Then, as a physicist, he wanted my expert opinion on “Copenhagen”. I told him I thought the summit had been a failure, but it transpired he really wanted to know my views on Heisenberg and Bohr’s interpretation of quantum mechanics. He then babbled pseudo-physics at me for 15 minutes before I could escape.
I returned downtown via one of the fabulous San Francisco cable cars. It’s a sort of tram that pulls itself up perilous hills by clinging to a cable embedded in the road. Happy tourists can hang out the edge, and the friendly driver took some photos for me. En route back to the hotel I bought my favourite of all the American cuisine – a giant burrito. This was to keep me nourished for an evening and morning of work to come.
I did some great sightseeing once I’d figured out how to navigate the SF transport system. I strolled along Embarcadero and the piers, enjoying the unseasonably fine weather. I admired the sea lions on Pier 39, although I gather most of them have jumped ship. I went to buy a smoothie and ended up in a ridiculous conversation with the guy behind the counter. I told him I was in SF for a laser conference (easier than explaining the meaning of “solar cell” or “opto-electronic”) and he wanted to know whether my job involved tracking sharks with lasers. I confirmed that it did. Then, as a physicist, he wanted my expert opinion on “Copenhagen”. I told him I thought the summit had been a failure, but it transpired he really wanted to know my views on Heisenberg and Bohr’s interpretation of quantum mechanics. He then babbled pseudo-physics at me for 15 minutes before I could escape.
I returned downtown via one of the fabulous San Francisco cable cars. It’s a sort of tram that pulls itself up perilous hills by clinging to a cable embedded in the road. Happy tourists can hang out the edge, and the friendly driver took some photos for me. En route back to the hotel I bought my favourite of all the American cuisine – a giant burrito. This was to keep me nourished for an evening and morning of work to come.
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